Disclosure
by WhitethornWolf
Summary: Julian and the apprentice have a little talk about Asra.


"May I ask you something?"

I glance aside at Julian, perched on the bed with his long legs stretched out before him. Moments ago I had finally gotten him to relax; I'd felt the tension leave his body as I held him tightly. Now it's back. Anxiety radiates from him in waves, colouring his aura dark grey.

"You just did," I reply, nudging him teasingly. Julian lets out a shaky laugh, hunched over slightly.

"I've been wondering this," he begins, "ever...well, ever since we first met. When I came to the shop that night."

I nod. I remember the night well- if only for the fear of dealing with an intruder on my own, and the famous _death doctor_ to boot.

Julian's hands drum a nervous tattoo on his thighs. I wait impatiently.

"I, ah, don't know how to ask you this…"

It's too much. I catch his fingers and bring them to my lips, kissing his knuckles one by one.

"Whatever it is, it can't be that bad," I say. "Come on, Julian. You're making me nervous."

"Hah! You're right, I'm sorry." Julian's throat bobs as he swallows. "I wanted to ask who Asra is. To you, I mean. Is...is he? Was he…?"

The question doesn't surprise me; in fact, I'm more surprised he hadn't asked sooner. After all, Asra and I have lived together for years. Julian's been to the upstairs part of my shop; he knows there is one bed. The implication is clear.

"That's all?" I laugh, if only to ease his anxiety. Julian's shoulders drop.

"It _is_ a very personal question," he replies, a little sheepishly.

"You've shared far more personal things with me before. Including who Asra was to you." I grin slyly. "I seem to remember your remark about 'after hours house calls.'"

Julian's blush spreads from his cheeks to his ears, but he can't stop himself from grinning. Then he straightens, coughing awkwardly.

"Ahem-ah-I hope that, well...does it bother you that we..?"

"Of course not. I understand completely." A smirk tugs at my lips. "He is very pretty. I don't blame you."

The blush deepens. "Well, y-yes. There is that."

I climb into his lap, and Julian's smile returns. One hand rests on my waist, lightly pressing at my skin. The other wanders to the back of my neck, tangling in my hair. I toy with his collar as I think of the words to say.

I don't think Julian is the jealous type-not exactly. But I know he needs reassurance from time to time...and when our relationship is at this point, honesty is the best policy.

"I told you I was missing memories," I begin, and Julian nods. "The earliest things I remember were from about three years ago. Anything before that is...gone. Like I appeared out of nowhere one day."

Julian's face falls; he looks almost horrified. "I-what? Really?"

"Really. But I do know things about myself. Things Asra tells me, what he knew of my family. And the shop. The shop is mine, you know."

Julian licks his lips, starts to speak-I put a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Let me finish. For a long time I was like an infant, I suppose. I couldn't do anything for myself. I couldn't even speak, not really. Not anything intelligible."

There is a void where my other memories are supposed to be, but the last three years I remember in vivid flashes. A sponge gliding over my arms; chilly knees poking out of a tub filled with steaming water. Asra's steady hands gripping mine as he guides me carefully down the stairs. A soft brush running through my hair. Violet eyes holding my gaze, his aura calming and holding me through the howling, wild panic threatening to overtake me.

"Asra took care of me through all that," I say. I can't look at him; embarrassed, I drop my gaze. "He supported me, calmed me...taught me how to be a person. And he taught me magic. He's my best and truest friend. How could I not love someone who would do all of that...for me? I can't repay such kindness and care."

Julian tips my chin up, so we're looking at each other. His eye is shining, I notice, his expression full of feeling.

"And if you ask me if it's entirely platonic…" I bite my lip. "I...I don't know. But even if I did feel that way about Asra... it doesn't change how I feel about you."

"I understand," Julian says. His face softens...then his eyebrows arch, and a teasing grin tugs at his mouth. "And how do you..._feel_ about me?"

A challenge and an invitation; that's quintessential Julian. I lean forward and kiss him, drawing a groan from deep inside his chest. His hands move to my hips, fingers digging in slightly.

"Darling," he breathed when they broke apart. "Mmh…"

"If we had time," I say into his ear, "I would show you how I _felt _about you. And you-you would feel it too."

My free hand trails down his stomach, smoothing his loose shirt, and I hook my fingers in his waistband. Julian colours deeply, biting his lip. His eyes lid.

"Do you understand now?" I ask, and climb off him.

Julian sits up quickly. He's red from cheeks to ears, lips wet and bitten, but the smile on his face is genuine. He pulls me back gently.

"Thank you," he says, fingers curling under my chin. "That can't have been easy to tell me."

"It wasn't," I say truthfully. I kiss him again; one on his lips, two on his nose and forehead. "But it's in the past, and that's where it belongs. With you, I…"

I pause, one hand on his chest, my tongue thick in my mouth. The way he looks at me, full of adoration, eyes shining-it makes my heart feel full to bursting, and for a moment I can't find the words.

"I only want to think of the future," I say eventually, and brush the red curls from his forehead. "And let the past be past."


End file.
